ON METAPHYSICS

Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked

in the head like this before.

 

ON DEEP THOUGHTS

A day without sunshine is like night.

 

ON PARADOX AND RETURN POLICIES

There is a CD out entitled "The Worst of Jefferson Airplane". If

you buy this, take it home, play it, and ENJOY it.... should you

take it back?

 

ON HIGHER EDUCATION

College is a fountain of knowledge... and the students are there

to drink.

 

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS

A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

 

ON YOUTH

Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not

true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk.

-- Steven King, 3/8/90

 

ON PROBLEM SOLVING

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to

resemble a nail.

-- Abraham Maslow

 

ON MATERIALISM

He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

 

ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES

Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic'

 

ON INFINITY

If you had everything, where would you keep it?

 

ON ECONOMICS

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

 

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because

someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at

the top.

-- English Professor, Ohio University

 

ON REVISIONIST HISTORY

What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

 

ON DATING

When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the

occasional division by zero.

 

ON POETIC LOVE

When you're swimmin' in the creek

And an eel bites your cheek

That's a moray'

-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

 

ON MODERNISM

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub

with brightly colored machine tools.

 

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE

Character density: The number of weird people in the office.

 

ON EXTINCTION

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

 

ON LITERATURE

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be

thrown with great force.

-- Dorothy Parker

 

ON HUMILITY

To err is human, to moo bovine.

 

ON EXPLANATION OF THE END

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire

was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful

termination of their C programs.

-- Robert Firth

 

ON PROPHECY

The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse it.

 

ON EXCUSES

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. -- Joe Walsh

 

ON NUMBERS

Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large

values of 2.

 

ON WORLD POLITICS

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy," until you can find

a rock.

 

AND FINALLY, ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT

There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and

UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

Submitted for your approval by: peregrine.ent@worldnet.att.net

Got a Jolk? Email us at: magic@tricks.com