BUMPER SNICKERS

1. I love animals, they taste great.
2. EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
3. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
4. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
5. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
6. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
7. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
8. He who laughs last thinks slowest!
9. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
10. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
11. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
12. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
13. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
14. Assassins do it from behind.
15. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
16. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
17. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
18. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
19. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
20. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
21. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
22. All generalizations are false, including this one.
23. "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. I love cats...they taste just like chicken
26. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
27. Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
28. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools
29. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
30. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
31. Jesus died for my sins and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
32. I didn' fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
33. Don't blame me - I'm from Uranus :-
34. Your kid may be an honor student but YOU'RE still an IDIOT!
35. It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you
36. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
37. Smile - it's the second best thing you can do with your lips
38. Friends don't let friends drive Naked
39. Wink, I'll do the rest!
40. I took an IQ test and the results were negative
41. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
42. Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students!
43. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
44. Forget about World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
45. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
46. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse
47. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
48. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
49. We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
50. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home
51. 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
52. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
53. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
54. Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock
55. 2 + 2 = 5 for sufficiently large values of 2.
56. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles
57. I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die

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